To the Child that I wish for,

Day 25 in cycle
6 days since Egg Transfer

So I ended the last message saying that there were 3 or 4 eggs left?

Well to recap 11 eggs gotten, 5 immature so no good there, then 4 inseminated (again sorry if too much info!). And this was where I left off I think - The not so happy Saturday.

Well you will be happy to hear that I did cheer up after Saturday. But instead of me being unsure, your father became even more unsure. Unsure, worried, scared of what could be, scared of how to handle what might not be. Your father is a strong man. So strong and loving, and just can't wait for you to arrive in the world, so that he can hold his son/daughter in his arms. So strong, that when he falls, it takes him a while to get back up. But I was there. I had this epiphany on Sunday when I woke up and I think it helped me..

I woke up thinking - I have tried to have a baby for 3 years now. 3 years and every month we have been sad because its been a negative. What is the difference between this month and last month if it is bad news? Nothing. We may have jumped a few more hurdles this month, but if the outcome is the same, we will take it like we do - head on.

It took your father a couple of days to get this (and I am not saying that it takes him a while to get things, cause he will kill me if he reads that! But you know what I mean **wink**), but I think he finally came around to my thinking. But we are known to overthink things your father and I! But back to the story..

So Monday rolls around, and I get the phone call. Only three have survived the weekend. One grew abnormally. But three is good right. Well the scientist thought it was ok. I rang your father who did seem pleased (although he was still trying to process all of above comments). I was ecstatic that they survived. ANOTHER hurdle past. "So", the scientist says, "We will see you Wednesday"...

Tuesday night, your father and I went to the crazy prawn lady (another story you will not doubt of heard by now), got some prawns and I made a special meal for us. Hopefully the last meal where I am not pregnant.

And at 6:30am on Wednesday 28th October we set out on the road, to hopefully see a picture of you and welcome you to your home for the next 9 or so months. Strangely calm on the ride in, even stranger that there will little traffic on the way in, and a brief shower started as we got there. We climbed the treachorous hill to get to the hospital, rode the elevator for the 1000th time, opened the door beside the waterfall wall, and with baited breath entered the clinic.

As we sat there nervously awaiting our names to be called, I looked around the very crowded room and then whispered to your father.. "You don't think ALL of these people are going to come in and watch do you?". But as I did look around, I also was amazed that there are so many people out there who have the same problems as we do. I just hope they have the love and support we have had.

After our names are called, we are ushered into a room with a scientist, and shown a photo of the blastocyst. An embryo grown to day 5. Breathtaking stuff.. And with a tiny whisper I said (hopefully to you), "Hello sweetheart, I am your mum"